Lost In Thought 

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Updated: Feb 19, 2020

There was a time in my life when I didn’t see a way out. I felt so trapped and caught up in what everyone else thought of me that I couldn’t take it anymore. I was in a very dark place. I resisted help for such a long time. Even on the one day I needed it the most.

I had a last day. One that, at the time, I knew would be my last. I wasn’t completely sure how at the time, I just knew I couldn’t live through the constant pain I was feeling for another day. On the same day, a member of staff asked me if I was ok. I nodded. Knowing I was lying, she then asked me if I wanted to stay behind to chat after school. I said no. She replied ‘You’re going to stay behind after school’.

I spent the whole day heavy. I didn’t talk to anyone. All I could think about was getting out of school as quickly as possible. I was going to try and leave early just to get out and avoid having our ‘chat’. But I didn’t, because despite my feelings, that member of staff knew I wasn’t ok and had been there for me from the start of my struggles, and no matter what I said and how much I resisted and gave up, she never did. She kept talking to me even when I didn’t want to. And in the end it made the biggest difference. I don’t know if I necessarily realised at the time but in my darkest hours her attitude towards helping me kept me going for the little bit longer I needed. That little bit longer she gave me allowed me to have better days. It meant that I could enjoy doing all of the things I do today.

Anyone close to me will probably know that the recent tragic passing of Caroline Flack has really affected me. I’ve been feeling quite down and upset about it and have shed a fair few tears.

I didn’t know Caroline and I shared none of the same experiences as her other than the pain of feeling that none of the love around you can make any difference.

Obviously I’m in no way comparing our experiences because that’s impossible. But aside from the media being one of the obvious causes of this tragic event, I think this also needs to be a point of reflection for us to see how importunant it is to talk to each other.

We talk about the importance of talking so much now and are pretty good at spreading the ‘it’s ok to say’ message. But it’s not just about knowing, it’s about actually taking the action to help each other out. It’s about reaching out and going the EXTRA mile to be there for one another. You don’t have to be a trained counsellor to offer advice or support or a shoulder to cry on. A friendly face can sometimes be the difference between someone giving up and giving them the hope they need.

What we really need is to help each other find the light at the end of the tunnel by making sure we know that no matter how dark everything is you are NEVER EVER alone. Don’t just say ‘I’m here if you need anything’. Do something, anything. Tell them you’re never going to give up on them, take them out for a cake, keep talking to them even when they don’t want to, or encourage them to express themselves in a way that helps them. Do anything, but please do something.

I’m not saying this advice will change the world, but this is what I believe is important and necessary for me to say at this moment. Because as much as I hated it at the time, if it wasn’t for all of the people who held on to me and didn’t take accept my resistance, things might have turned out a lot differently.

I’m not writing this for any reason other than to turn my negative experiences into something positive, i’m not looking for attention. I’m looking for this to help just one person. So please share this with as many people as possible because it’s important that we act now.

If you can, please share this on one social media platform. Please.

And if you know someone struggling right now, do something to help. Please. Please. Please.

No one should ever feel that their life is worthless or that there is no way out. And even when people do feel like that, we need to be there for each other.

Only you are the light to the end of your tunnel, no one else is, but we can and must all help each other find our light when it seems to have disappeared. ❤️

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